2015-04-25 Embassy warning
Things in Seabekistan have gone bad.
- A coup occurred, led by ISIS has occurred.
- The US Embassy has been evacuated.
- Americans are being rounded up and imprisoned.
- Stay alert. Be prepared to evacuate.
The embassy will send additional updates as we have more information.
You have been detained by local militiamen and are being held prior to transport.
- The militia are rounding up more of your countrymen.
- You must escape the transport vehicle and work your way towards the Downtown area.
- The militia knows who you are and have many agents in the field who are trying to catch you.
- They would be to happy to separate your head from your body with a dull knife.
- Videotaping it all of course.
Once you escape, you should immediately arm yourself with an improvised weapon.
Go to the Starbucks at 4824 Rainier Ave S Seattle, WA 98118 and meet with a partisan. They will be wearing a green coat.
Once you identify the right person, approach and establish bona fides by commenting: “Sure is cold.” They will answer, “Not for Winter.” If they answer anything else, this is not your agent.
Once you have established bona fides, you will need to convince this partisan to help you. They may be motivated by greed, loyalty to your cause, or humanitarian reasons. You must figure out the motivation and convince them to help you. If they are convinced, they will give you an envelope with further instructions.
You only have till 10:45 am to get to the meet-up.
Proceed to Stanley Sayers Memorial Park.
- On a tree lining Lake Washington Blvd, you will find a chain with several padlocks.
- Without arousing suspicion, pick one of the locks (each) and take it with you. (Do not remove the lock that joins the chain unless it is the last lock left)
- After you have removed the lock, text the embassy.
Head towards downtown. More instructions forthcoming.
- Borrow a cell phone or use a pay phone to call the embassy. Ask for the Security Attaché. Tell him you are in need of evacuation. He will ask you, “What is the Nectar of the Gods?” You must answer “Mountain Dew.”
- Once you give him the correct information, he will give you further instructions related to where and when you will be extracted. Have a pen and paper ready.
You must remain inside the box of downtown Seattle as defined by these boundaries:
- Water on West,
- Pine on the North
- 1st ave to the east
- Madison on the south.
You may not stay in any location for more than 15 minutes. You must accomplish the following tasks before 4:00 PM:
- Upgrade your weapon and carry it with you.
- Find an outdoor source of potable water. Take a picture of it or write down its location.
- Find an outdoor source for food. Take a picture of it or write down its location.
- Find a suitable location to hide during the day. Take a picture of it or write down its location.
- Find a suitable location to hide at night. Take a picture of it or write down its location.
- Find a working payphone. Take a picture of it or write down its location.
- Find a working outdoor ATM. Take a picture of it or write down its location.
- Find a source for materials to change and/or disguise your appearance. This would include altering your hair color, or adding a wig, etc. Take a picture of the store.
- Find a fence or other source of materials for making caltrops.
- Find a car that meets the criteria for acquisition, including make and model as well as location that provides cover of your efforts. DO NOT steal the vehicle. Rather steal a good photo without being noticed.
- Obtain $2 from the local population by any legal means.
- Make a fake corporate ID.
New extraction instructions
- Italian Family Pizza on First ave at 1600 (4:00pm for you land lubbers)
- Extraction time moved to 1530. That's 3:30 pm for you non pirates.
A great Experience and Gift Shared with my Son
What great gift to receive an opportunity to spend some really fun time with my Son.
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